A Picture-Perfect Family.

*Dedicated to someone close to me, undergoing a messy divorce procedure simply because she chose gullibly. She was deliberately physically, emotionally, sexually and psychologically violated . *Narrated in the tone of her ten year old son describing his drunken, emotionally bankrupt father.

Mere words can't express just how much I loathe you.

I will you away,

 After merely a single day’s existence.

‘Hate’

 the word doesn't do justice.

And in retrospect appears trifle.

You disgust and repel me.

Amongst

many other such feelings.

Your foreboding presence lingers in the room next to mine.

My days are filled with peace and free-spirited charm

no longer.

If I were a sorcerer and could make you vanish

without a trace,

Never to return.

Would I?

Your words become me.

They are meant to arouse and wound.

Just the way the words become me,

 I seamlessly morph into you.

Your foreboding presence lingers,

Infringes on my personal space.

Deliberately?

To make yourself felt?

I can't tell.

Go.

You are unwanted.

Like a pariah with no home.

Controlling and dominating

I have tried to escape,

in the past.

Your grip is steel firm.

You magnify my every move.

It causes me to wince

And escape in a nether world.

One that's not real.

Away from this trap.

this bottled existence.

You think you are kind.

I beg to differ.

Wipe that pretentious smile off your face.

The fake cheery laugh too.

so easy to see through.

It doesn’t quite become you.

Like a meddling giant

With legs too far apart

Intruding with his unwanted hands in muddle-some pies.

Ignorant and irate.

Prying with a womanly gait.

With a listful, sagging pate

It confounds me

Therefore

I reiterate.

I reiterate.

In life If only some people you were permitted to sedate.

Whoever said two is company was clearly lying.

I miss my loneliness

My time.

I try to withstand being in the same room as you

Kind of difficult with you scrutinizing my ever move.

I feel uncomfortable

Where I need to belong.

Would you be ever far and long gone?

The possibility seems unreasonable and dim.

Why do we have to fulfill his every fantasy and whim?

Sounds in the corner remind me that you haven’t gone

What a perfect manner to ruin my spectacular morn.

He traipses frantically into my room up and down

For a million times and one.

Your bags comfortably nestle at my door-step

You make my best laid plans go awry

When you land at my door unannounced

In your unmajestic glory.

I type away violently

You wonder at my dedication.

If only you knew of my impatience

And this scheming rhyme

For which you possibly have little time.

Go away,

go away

Let my loneliness linger.

The people in this house change when you’re around

Mother sports a downcast, perpetual frown.

No your jokes aren’t funny

You wouldn’t make it.

Not even as a ridiculous clown.

Bear-like and perfectly conniving in your mind

at all times

Women aren’t inferior to you

They are worth more than your precious two cents or dime.

On a healthy diet of criticism

towards everyone.

It bores you well

I wonder whether you would

Possibly rot in hell?

You want the best for people

If only I could believe that were true.

Then why do you go on about treating humans

 as though they were vermin meant to be crushed beneath your shoe?

I loathe you more than words can describe.

The cold steely edge

of an oncoming knife.

The annoying nagging of a  middle classed house-wife.

An assured demented lonely life.

Than Years of all consuming depression and strife.

And somehow I still can’t cut you off from my life.

What I do, when I'm seemingly doing nothing!

I wander the streets as a lonely creep.
I read non fiction novels and weep.
I contemplate existential travesties of life
And meander deep.

I wake up as I please.
Order food that's nutritionally high on fat
And cheese.

Waiter, Another episode of Grey's Anatomy please.
Traipse swanky malls,
Sip the choicest of brews
Window-shop and lust at pretty, tempting shoes.

People-watch, annoying children
And love-stricken couples.
Wonder what their story's like.


Listen to newly uploaded music
Attempt to think positive.
Go to class
Convince self that I'm deluded by re-living the past.

Discover charming authors that are humorous,
Vikram Seth and I.
couldn't we be possible mates?

Discuss contemporary issues with the mother.
Never arrive at a unanimous conclusion
Deign to traipse further.

Kitty naps and conversations with friends
Day-dreaming and then with this minuscule blog
making amends.

Meet me at The Unnamed Bridge.

My shrink and I
Jazz and Apple pie.

The lows
And the high.

Come now Maria
Give it another try.

Little lies.
Listless sighs.

As I write 
She reminds me to wipe my eyes.

Lies.

Vintage ambassadors.
flapper bars.
Grease paint dreams
Glistening golden stars.

Pray tell me something nice!
Passionate friend
Fiery Ice,
Let me down.

Shun me thrice.

I'll come to you,
All pretty and nice.
Coquettishly Made up.
Worldly-wise.
Tame and torn
Skillful.
Yet priced.

Streaked curly mane.
Your only true vice.
Of men and mice
Chivalry and Christ.
Fate's unpredictable roll of the dice.

Sing a morbid song,
Keep up with me until dawn.
Forlorn.
For how long?
how long?

Paper doll.
Plastic cups.
Hurt. 
Its time we make up.
Its time we wake up.

Beautiful sensitive soul.
Part of me.
Fragmented whole.
Writes poetry, 
quotes Aristotle.

Clothes-horse
and his muse.
If you're still pondering
you're possibly obtuse.

Lingering Lady!

The annoying lady beneath my abode,
Idle and hopelessly bored.
Probably lacks a television set for entertainment
Considers my personal life a source of  fulfillment.

Lonely inquisitive house-wife.
With endless precious time to kill.
Annoys me as I'm stepping out at seven thirty in the morn
For a serene walk that my restless mind longs.

'Good morning Maria
Are you going out?"
"Leave me alone."
I desire to shout.

White spittle nurtures the crevice of her lower lip
Dusky, lard-ish, ungainly.
Come to ponder
She does indeed resemble a chimp.

I step out the next afternoon, at a quarter past twelve
"Where do we work Maria?", she shrills
I traipse along.
"What a pest
Why can't she mind her own business?"

In the evenings, I glimpse
a face well hidden behind the shrubs across a window-grill.
It is the nosy lady
Watching everyone walking up and down at will.

The next day I'm outside at four
"Is your father currently in Indore?
You own land there I hear
The court settlement has occurred I suppose?"

I'm surprised and fazed.
How does this stranger with my family's life keep pace?

"Cynthia aunty, my neighbour considers you stuck-up
Screwing up at us your pert little nose every dusk ."
"I clarified her misconception
You're a  studious, quiet soul I know!"

"We're neighbours and friends
We must each concern ourselves with each others' bliss and comprehend.
Anton's doing very well for himself as a team leader.
What wages do you draw?"
My lower lip shivers.

I am but an ordinary bard
Why do Masses consider me to be wealthy?
I'm therefore painfully scarred.
She presumes I'm loaded
 Destiny's trump card.

At dawn, I chance upon her,
With her lad.
Politely I nod.
"Anton greet Maria will you dear?"
"Oh yes.", I doltishly volunteer. 
"As I'm strolling along the corridors, he but always looks the other way."

"She smiles at you my darling boy!!
Quit ignoring her."

Now as I wander by myself, Anton glimpses up at my face
and slyly smiles .
An excited, smitten look in his gaze.
Its a familiar gesture
One I can accurately place
When I was in love myself.
Oh! What a tardy maze!
My folly then,
Setting kindred bosoms ablaze.

Post literary discourse
dazedly I return home.
Mother coaxes
"On the dining table there is roasted turkey tarrying
For you little lady alone!"

I gorge on it gourmandishly,
My hunger knows no bounds.
"Look how caring Anton is lass!"
Mother's tone resounds.

I let the innocuous, unsuspecting bird crash.
I'm weary and worn.
"Why do you accept such pathetic surprises mother?"
I'm quite  forlorn.

"A towering Neanderthal with a sloping fore-head.
Orthodox and sickeningly mothered.
Do you desire that as my fate?
Don't I already possess way too much on my plate?"

She puerilely ignores me,
Intently refuses heated debate.

The duo's seedy intentions now obvious.
While exiting the iron gates I reduce my naive chatter.
Talk on my mouthpiece,
Consciously ignore the mad-hatter.

For lust of prosperity and looks,
Of persistent mothers and crooks.
Love is an outlandish term.
All they cherish is a prized economic bargain
How it causes me to squirm!

A mother always considers her son a prized catch
How such delusional thoughts for decades their minds hatch?

She intruded on my space daily,
every hour for two years
 made me feel as though I were under house-arrest
A captive girl in my solitary nest.

I don't see her anymore
Perhaps she's dead!
Who am I kidding?

I spotted her the other day after two months
Anton gripped firmly her hand,
As she sickeningly balked.
Could it be that she's genuinely ill?

Of relentlessly haranguing me then she's had her fill.
I wish I could muster a sliver of pity
Or a sympathy pill.

Destiny - This way to home.

Fragile eyes,
How much have you seen?
Once luminous,
Now partially dimmed.

Hope that eternal butterfly,
Flutters unseen
From deep within my heart.
Don't reminisce
about what might have been.

The future is here
And you're all you possess.
From your core
Endeavour not to digress.

Closest comrades
Now converted into
Many a stranger.
Let your guard down
Quelle danger!

The Almighty and I.
We walk the rocky deserts
In search of an oasis to calmly anchor.
That glorious mirage,
Life's long journey
The destination remains unfathomable.

Each step
A victory
Then An unforeseen quiver.
The trick is move on unrelentlessly.
Ignore the shiver.

Dust ourselves up
let go the grudge.
There are only lessons to be learnt.
Of someone else's karma,
I'm not the judge.

Of A Fair Maiden and Rakes.

Perhaps this is love.
That has
always eluded her.
Crazy
And obsessive
at best.

The cynic's now smitten.
The love bug has bitten.
"Go away,
I don't desire you,
Not now.
Lest you turn my already dysfunctional life,
all awry.
And mess up the little that makes sense.

Do you like me 
even a trifle?
Its hard to tell.
Its all I can do
to keep reeling under a spell.

One of my own doing
Where I create romanticism
out of mere kinship and concern.
In that case,
I'd much rather be spurned."

Unrequited is much harder
than the other varieties.
A masochist's delight,
I feel quite pathetic
as I nestle in bed
and try to sleep at night.

Heartbreak and the unknown
for a lethal combination make.
Why does she only have creeps
and emotionally unwholesome men
who gleefully hope to transcend
her boundaries that are self-imposed?

The good ones are left clueless
"What is it that we could differently do!?" 
Somehow only the persistent get through.

Men are creatures of little patience.
And can barely wait.
They'd much rather start off
with a pure maiden
and a clean slate.

Sadly time is her enemy
all she can do is wait.

And fervently pray that the next one isn't entirely a rake.

A Fairytale!

You're not here
I'm doing okay.
Lovely lies.
Do you know?
Do you care?

Don't hurry,
Stay awhile.
Take my hand
As I smile.

You and I,
Are one.
Made of similar fine lint.

You and I
get starry eyed,
over freshly brewed coffee,
and the slithering river's glint.

Come along,
Walk with me.
Along the starry shores,
Darkness our umbrella
Together we're rarely bored.

You and I,
Of toffee coloured skin
And old worldly charm.
Soothe my soul
A tingling
then calming balm

You and I
casting reality asunder,
you and I
Friend and lover.

Reader of my tales,
Comforter of them nasty wails.
Realize that a girl's sometimes painfully frail
Know this and refuse to bail.

Baby,
You and me
Speak of delightful company!

Broken.

Overlooked.
And Despised.
The lonely girl.
With them shapely eyes.

Misunderstood.
Desired everything.
Everything good.

Under-rated.
Overseen.
Oh! How cruel life has been.

You and I
were great once
Too bad now.
You have
You have
lost your chance.


I often lie in a daze
Since when did life morphe into such a complicated maze?
Hopes and dreams that were at once razed. 

Stupid memories in my head.
Teary bed-sheets,
Expecations staid.

Little lady
No longer.
'Miss Asks-for-just-too-Much.'

Come along.
In The sunny haze
Let's cast a spell.
'Miss pretty face.'

Promises long gone old.
Oldest girl-friend.
Now Newest foe.


Paint a picture.
That's come undone.
No white picket fence
or amour that's well-worn.

Strawberry kisses

Or knowing smiles
Taffeta gowns
Or church aisles.

Ambling Across Reality Street - Alone.

A lonely drive-way,
The solitary cobbled street
She fantasises about the man she'd like to meet.

Tall, an infectious smile,
eyes with a mischievous glint.
Well-educated and informed
Nothing about him could be uniform.

An Old-fashioned, chivalrous gentle-man
Still a rebel who refuses to conform
Humorous and great company
Well-nourished over endless cups of coffee.

Industrious. Appreciated by young maidens and their mothers.
Charming yet worldly-wise
Dismissive about his achievements.
Self-effacing to a fault.
Mister Modesty.
A trifle damaged, a hippie traveller and closet idealist.  

Respectful of women
A strong fighter.

Men like these should be easier to come by 
A proto-type to be well-lauded
Even Applauded.

A despondent mother persists
"Baby, perfect doesn't exist."
The girl smiles a while.

In her naive  head he does.
Reality could be a while.
"until then I'd rather be alone
and explore distant lands 
that remain unseen.
Perhaps chance upon 
Beautifully exotic, unknown people
While God Almighty in his infinite wisdom decides what should be.

The Circus Clown

The Circus Clown
A smile concealed beneath a frown.
Speaks as Free-spiritedly
as they come.

Underneath it all
 Is
Painfully old-fashioned.

Laughs at a friend's indiscretions,
And offers advice
non-judgemental.

Sees the good in everyone
Turns his pain inwards.
A weapon for self-flagellation.
And you'd never fathom
or foretell.

Self-sacrificing can be a pretty nasty spell.
The efforts often go unseen.
Oh!
Just how stupid has the jester been.
Stretching himself far too thin
For pals who barely glimpse.

Taken for granted.
His Contagious Laughter trickles.

As travesties and injustices of their lives
to him they lay bare.
Easy banter
A silly tale.
He comforts but exceedingly well.
Like A magic potion
some sort of elixir.
In exchange to death's paltry knell.

Ah! the world's swell!
For Once more
In the compatriot's life 
'All is well!.'

Inconspicuous in his absence.
Is the clown.
But then the comrade requires a favour
And the joker's but always there.

Gratitude he values.
Always forgotten.
The buffoon values promises more than he should
No wonder he is grossly misunderstood.

Sadness, A gloomy cloud 
enrapturing his chest
Transgressions committed deliberately by loved ones
he holds firmly against his breast.
And weeps gently.
Alone.
Whilst wondering whether he probably deserved it.

Melancholy.

Melancholy.
Between where she is
And desires to be.

The world around her
And how it should be.
Melancholy.

She could change them,
She tried
Stifled instead she feels inside.

She waits for him
to take her hand.
He lives far-off 
in a distant land.

Lone,
With a million pieces of solitude for company.

Come along lingering lover,
Perhaps then I wouldn't be this melancholy. 

If only happiness were a charm,
That I could sprinkle around.
if only bitterness and resentment were far gone.

Lesser expectations of people.
Maybe then they'd come around.
Could it be that they see me, 
as something of a class-clown?

Friendships last a while
Wisdom teaches me to accept this 
and smile.

Decency is appreciated
If it were more common-place.

The only true love lies within.
Everything else
is 
but an illusion.

Another time another place.

      I was in love with this city. Once. Now I know what it means when they say 'Familiarity breeds contempt.' The city with illiterate Indian men that don't hesitate to remind me that I am indeed resembling an 'item' tonight. Never mind the fact that I'm draped like a virgin. Or even am one. How I digress.
This city where I'm looked at weirdly even as I'm merely waiting for a Best bus at 9:25p.m. No I'm not a call girl, Mister. You in the formal white, buttoned-down shirt with the greasy hair, charcoal-ish tan and leery eyes.
The stupid neighbour inquisitive neighbour house-wife, has eyes only for me. But to marry your son.  Oh gee! I am flattered. Why else would she concern herself with how much I was being remunerated or otherwise. But 'Anton' [her son] does reminds me of my Dad. That is not a compliment.
If only I belonged to the 'Marry a man who reminds you of your father.' train of thought.
A Bumbling busy body who concerns herself with whether I'm going out for the evening, whilst sporting a Navy blue dress on my birthday. And she isn't even related to me by blood, mind you. Lack of privacy, the infrequent buses, ceaseless forty minutes of staring at the man walking his dalmatian across the busy street. Having the bhaji-wala comfortably grinding his privates against my nether regions for a good twenty minutes and then having buffalo-skinned men that even weigh like them, animals brushing against petite, delicate me to get ahead.
A good hour and a half of travel. One-way. Drenched in sweat, that's possibly not even my own. Crowded buses make for convenient excuses to satisfy a pervert's appetite. My mum knows of a man who deliberately  boarded a public transport bus during peak hours for reasons of leisure and pleasure.
Times like these I wish I lived in another city. A land where men are civil with their ladies. A free-spirited one, where women could flit about. The manner in which my best friend Amber looks sweetly at her fiance's smile, I view travel. Pray tell me where I could move? Even as my mother looks on exasperated. [Emotional post. Posted frantically. Errors might be spotted!]